Netflix

So I know the last entry was a little raw but it's a blog, practically an open diary and that's how I was feeling. The response I got was something I desperately needed and thank God for. His encouragement always comes in unexpected ways. Thank you Emily. :)

Now, to talk about something of no importance I would like to chat about Netflix. For a wedding gift we received a year of Netflix. I am a huge movie/tv buff and was stoked to get this gift. The best part of it is, is Netflix surprised me with a little something. You are able to watch things instantly on your computer as well. See you can order the new DVDs that you want to see and they'll come in the mail but certain movies and tv shows you can watch instantly on the computer. This was a bad discovery on my part becuase it definitely sucks me in.

I have watched the beginning of The Babysitters Club (you know you would think about it if you saw it), The Other Boylen Girl, Penelope and my latest obsession has been CSI: Las Vegas. Now I have always loved this show but being able to watch it whenever I want without commercials is great. I watch an episode and then I can't help but watch another and another until I realize it's two o'clock in the afternoon and I am still in my pj's. I can' t help it though. It's just too good.

I still manage to do all my work and clean up the apartment so I don't feel too bad. I have the time to watch but I admit it isn't very productive. Oh well, I get to watch crimes get solved by hilarious agents. I need to get a hobby, a productive one and fast. :)

Melancholy

Do you ever just feel melancholy? Like there is something wrong, some void that needs to be filled and it makes you sad until it has either been fulfilled or has simply passed with time. I used to feel like this when I was younger, before I knew God. Since we started a formal relationship in jr. high/ high school I feel more content and that void was never so overwhelming. Well it's back and I think I know why.

I have everything I have ever wanted. A wonderful husband, a degree, and a place to call my own but it pains me to say that the void has returned. I am almost certain that it is the God shaped hole I experience so long ago. Due to my lack of discipline, passion, and flat out desire to pursue any kind of relationship with God my heart has slowly begun to harden and the overwhelming feeling now rests in me. Any urge I experience to learn about my savior gets batted away when I think of other things that I could be doing, things that don't help me grow as a child of God or free me from a life of meaninglessness. I don't just want to be a Christian, I am not feeling guilty for not reading my bible for a certain amount of time everyday or saying so many prayers in an hour, I don't feel guilt because that to me means I viewed those things as works but I feel "guilty" in the sense that I am letting my Father down. My creator who wants nothing more than my attention and regard.

I want to be in a relationship with God. I want to read the Bible because I want to know more about him not because I think I'll get brownie points. I want to pray unceasingly because I never want to have a second that he is not involved in. I want to be a servant to Him and those around me without ever wanting a thank you or any sort of praise, to do it because his character radiates through me. These are the things I am missing, the things that create a deep longing in my very core because my spirit, my very essence miss their creator.

I experience so much happiness but the joy that I could live would be to share all of it with God, to properly acknowledge that these are all gifts from Him and He would love nothing more than to experience them with me to the fullest.

Sweet Husband Of Mine

Last night I fell asleep reading the Da Vinci Code in bed. Dom was reading his book and I don't think he noticed for a little bit or he just let me sleep while he kept reading his book, I'm not really sure since I was asleep. Anyway, all of a sudden I get woken up by Dom gently taking the book out of my hand and then turning off the light. I was extremely groggy and never fully awake, I didn't even say thank you to him but still he tucked me in and then fell asleep next to me. As tired and out of it as I was, I was so touched by this simple act that I just had to write about it.

I woke up in the middle of the night not knowing where I was or how I got in bed all tucked in but I eventually remembered that Dom did it and fell back asleep smiling. This morning I couldn't stop telling him how sweet he is and he just laughed not thinking anything of it but I honestly felt so loved. He takes care of me because he loves me and doesn't give it a second thought. What a sweet, wonderful husband.

Indecision

I am the most indecisive person that I know and it always tends to get me into trouble. The most recent trouble that I am involved in is an unfinished apartment. We have been unpacked for a little while but things are still lining our hallways and rooms that I need to hang but I just can't figure out where I want them. Poor Dom attempts to get me to make a decision by just constantly asking if he can hang this or that. Well yesterday I took care of most of it but I still have our room to do and I can't do that until I figure out exactly where our furniture will be because I still have yet to pick out a nightstand.......I'm ridiculous.

Today on my list of things to do is make returns to Wal-Mart, BB&B, and Michaels. These are all returns on things I bought for the apartment and decided I didn't want or they didn't go. I am hoping that one day this little quark of mine will go away or at least I can learn to deal with it faster. If I were a type A personality with this problem I would have at least been done the week we moved in. Even now that I have most everything hung it still looks funny because the frames, most of them at least, still have the picture that they came with. I have yet to order wedding pictures since I have them all in digital format or other pictures to put in our frames. We are surrounded by pictures of people we don't know. Weird.

We want to have guests (Dom's family) over when we are finished with the apartment but that is being delayed a little since I haven't gotten my act together but apart from that, I am really excited about it. I love his family and I want them all to see our wonderful apartment and share in our happiness with us. There are just a few kinks in the plan, one, there will be quite a few people over, twelve altogether to be exact, and although our apartment is spacious it isn't for twelve people. Two, I don't know how to feed twelve people. I just assume that when you invite people over around dinner time that you feed them and when it's at your place you make the meal. I would feel like a failure if I just ordered pizza or something. They are going to think I can't cook for my husband but we'll see how it all goes down. Lastly, entertainment. How do you entertain twelve people in a little apartment? Dom wants to show a movie but we have a couch that seats three and a chair. Grown ups don't like to sit on the floor and table chairs are uncomfortable after a while. I suggested a game but I would have no idea what game to play. Hostessing stresses me out but I find the anticipation and preparation thrilling. I need to figure out what we are going to do and soon.

Dom would say that I am just being silly, which I know I am but I have always been this way. Even living with Mini, I would freak out when Heidi or someone was coming over and go on a cleaning rampage and cooking spree. I like doing all these thing but I just wish that I could do them with a calm spirit and a little confidence that it will come out ok. Anyway, I am still looking forward to the "house" warming party and showing off all our hard work but until I say goodnight to the last guest I am going to be prematurely aging due to unnecessary stress. :)

Future Family Members

Don't get any ideas, I am talking about pets that Dom and I eventually want to get. We both want a Shiba Inu. They are just so cute and seem like a great dog for us. There is a picture of it on the left. The way I explain what they look like is the mix between a Pomeranian and a Husky. We love it.

The other dog that I want to get is a French Bulldog. This animal is more for me and that is why I have asked for it for my 25 birthday. This way we have time to save up and since we don't want pets for a little while, it gives us some more time. I have attached a picture of this breed too on the right.

I have been a little lonely during the days while Dom is gone and would love to have a little puppy to play with but it is just a lot of responsibility that we aren't ready for just yet. We don't want to have to find a dog sitter if we decide to go out of town on a whim or pay the additional fee that comes with owning a dog in an apartment, or watch it's weight to make sure it doesn't go over 25lbs. since that is the limit for dogs here. I think it's best to wait but I find myself freaking out whenever I see a cute dog anywhere. I do the whole pouty lip thing and baby talk. It's getting pretty bad.

On a more happy note, today is our two month anniversary!!! We have been married for two whole months. :) Wow, it has been so great growing with Dom and living with him in our wonderful apartment. I can't thank God enough for the wonderful man that he gave to me. He is my other half and I love being his wife!

Sporadic

First off, I have some running around to do today. My list reads: nails with heads, spray paint, button down shirts, and furniture....maybe. Last night Dom tried to set up our sound system and figured out that we need nails with heads which I did not buy at Home Depot the last time I was there, which means I have to go back. Going to Home Depot for me is like picking out makeup with your girlfriend for a guy. I have no idea what I am looking at and I just want to leave. But I am going to try and be a brave soldier and get what is required of me. I get to look at spray paint which seems fun enough because I am going to use it to change the color of a decoration I want to hang in our apartment. :)

The button down shirts is round two of my fashion consultant requirements for Dom. We got the jeans, now we need the shirts. I am so excited to go to Ross and pick out clothes for my husband. I feel like such a wife doing that, or at least I think that I will, it will be my first time. :) Last but not least, furniture shopping. I tried to go yesterday to the Salvation Army and Goodwill to see if I can find an end table or anything for the apartment but the Salvation Army I found was the church, social services branch of the Salvation Army and they didn't have anything to sell. I was disappointed so I looked up the nearest thrift store and found one close by. From the windows it looked really nice with some potential purchases but when I got to the door I saw that they were closed and said that they would be back at 8am. Their hours are 8am - 3:30pm.......I got there at 3pm. So lame but I think that I might try again today, if not I will drag Dom with me this weekend.

Later tonight I will be cooking the lasagna I made last night. I finally got around to preparing the overnight lasagna and let's just say that I am interested to see how it turns out. The meat sauce isn't so much a sauce as it is chunks of sausage with some red sauce. Dom and I laughed when we looked at it together. In the process I managed to splatter it all over myself and the kitchen. It took a little while to clean up and the shirt is in the washer as I write. I am so excited to make it tonight though. I got garlic bread sticks to go with it and if Dom and I like it, this might be one of our main dishes. :) I'll let you know how it goes.

Looking forward to Saturday

Yeah, I know, it is Saturday but since Dom and I have gotten our own place we haven't had a normal Saturday. Our first one Dom had to be at work at 9 am (a half hour earlier than work during the week) for a meeting and this one he had to be at RPM racing early for his brother's bachelor party and next Saturday we have his sister's piano recital. I don't know what the next Sat. holds for us but I am hoping it is nothing and that we can lay around with each other, snacking and reading and relaxing, like our honeymoon.

I don't think I am asking for too much but life happens you know. On a different note, Dom and I went shopping the other night after our dinner of Orange Julius and Cinnabon. We needed to get him jeans and converse shoes. It was fun but poor Dom had to try on about a million pairs of jeans. I am his new fashion coordinator I guess and it's pretty fun. He looks good but he looked good before so it's harder to improve on something that was already fine. :) Anyway, I have been getting a little home sick and it came to a breaking point this week. Some tears flowed and Dom was there by me but I think I am going to ask him if we can go visit SoCal this summer.

Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying their Saturday. :)